“One Degree of Turning”

Last year, my family and I were in something of a wilderness season of our lives — we had left home, job, and friends behind. A garage sale, packing, securing new employment, and so many goodbyes later, we headed west. 

Scottsbluff, Nebraska, was never a place I imagined being. Even the locals refer to it as “the middle of nowhere,” and after living there for seven months, I will say “it’s close” to the middle of nowhere.

Weather-worn shale rock formations jut out of the high plains, and the North Platte River meanders eastward; yucca plants, sage grass, and rattlesnakes call this wild land home. 

Yet, this was also the place where the Oregon Trail passed through in the mid-1800s. Mitchell Pass still has wagon ruts from those earliest settlers one hundred and seventy years ago. As you drive from Western Nebraska into Wyoming, the evidence of this migration is marked with numerous headstones along the side of the road. A testament to the many souls who died crossing this rugged land.

Earlier still, the Lakota peoples lived in this rough and beautiful land, dwelling in teepees, and moving frequently with the migrations of the bison herds. They were masters of living in the wilderness. But for me, this wilderness season was all new — I was a foreigner in body and spirit. Not only was I living in a new community, but my soul was not accustomed to this kind of uncertainty and transition.

In the fall of 2022, our family took a day trip north from Scottsbluff to explore the Agate Fossil Beds National Monument. This is still closer to the “middle of nowhere,” as it is fifty minutes north of Scottsbluff, NE. In late September, the air was cool, but the wind was vicious as we walked the long path to examine a site where ancient mammalian fossils had been discovered. Little did we know that the Agate Fossil Beds National Monument not only has a fascinating fossil site, it also has one of the largest collections of Lakota historical artifacts. Lakota leaders set up teepees outside the entrance of the visitor center every spring, welcoming the many guests who come to learn about Lakota culture.

After the cold and windswept journey outside, we spent some considerable time warming up inside the visitor center. As  we walked through the extensive Lakota display, we saw many articles of Lakota clothing, children’s toys, and weapons, but what caught me unaware was a map. The map depicts the history of the Lakota people.

The colors, the skin on which it is made, and the imagery were stunning, but what gave me pause was the circular depiction of time.

I grew up making all sorts of charts and graphs in my public school education, creating more than a few “timelines” to depict a series of events. 

A timeline is a curious way to think about reality. Do our lives have a trajectory? A beginning, middle, and end? Do our lives have a clear aim and direction? I would have never chosen to put this wilderness season of my life on any elementary school timeline. My life did not feel straight and clear-cut, it felt wandering, uncertain, circular.

Something bigger was happening than that which could fit on a timeline. A wisdom that was bigger than that which could be depicted with lines, dots, and dates.

The poet, Rainer Maria Rilke wrote “I live my life in ever widening circles, each superseding all the previous ones. Perhaps I never shall succeed in reaching the final circle, but attempt I will. I circle around God, the ancient tower, and have been circling for a thousand years, and still I do not know: am I a falcon, a storm, or a continuing great song?” – Book of Hours, 1905, trans. Albert Ernest Flemming.

As I reflect on that great Lakota history told in “ever widening circles,” I can’t help but remember the many souls who have ventured into the wilderness before me. I think of Hagar and Moses, both of whom were in the wilderness when they had direct encounters with the living God. I think of the people of Israel, John the Baptist, Jesus, and Paul — all of whom spent seasons in the wilderness.

Isaiah 43:19 “I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”

Like the teepees and gravestones standing tall in western Nebraska, these stories remind me that I am not the first to make this journey into the wilderness, nor will I be the last. A timeline feels more like a measure of hubris; a mere expression of our hopes and aspirations. I sense there is a more truthful way to measure our lives, a more humble way — an ever-widening circle.

There is more that I could say about this wilderness season’s beauty and tragedy, but what feels most true for today is that our wandering is not aimless. Even one degree of turning may bring us to an awareness of the God who travels with us, even in the most desolate of places. 

“This Issue”

The past number of years I have heard the phrase, “This issue is dividing us.” From all denominational levels within the reformed tradition; I hear the sentiment repeated — the issue of human sexuality is dividing the church.

But wait a second. We all face many issues throughout the course of our lives. Global issues as significant as climate change and issues as temporary and localized as “what should we have for dinner tonight?” There, opinions may flood the room! Pizza, spaghetti, soup, tater-tot casserole, or burgers — all are possible for a family seeking a shared meal.

When it comes to current issues, I often hear the word “division.” However, maybe it isn’t so much that issues divide us. Instead, it could be that issues reveal our inherent diversity. 

These two words come to us with different assumptions. Divide assumes that there was a unity that has been disrupted and separated. Diversity, however, is quite the opposite. Diversity assumes that we are all unique and separate individuals, whose unity is found when those separate individuals unite around a common purpose greater than themselves. 

Just like going back to that dinner table…. The issue of what to eat for supper is not dividing us, as there is no agreed upon unity to begin with (except maybe that we are all hungry!) However, there are a diversity of opinions and appetites. For that family deciding what to eat in the evening, the answer may be found in considering each person’s unique opinions, appetites, and allergies, while also working toward reasonable compromises (helping make meal plans, taking turns choosing favorites, having some agreed upon “staples,” etc.) 

In the eleven years that I pastored in and among rural Iowa churches, I heard the same refrain repeated: “This issue is dividing us.” However, what I saw in the behavior of those leaders lacked an acknowledgement of the inherent diversity of opinions regarding human sexuality. The assumption from many leaders was that there was a right and unified view of human sexuality, and a diversity of opinions threatened that unity. Even naming the diversity of opinions was discouraged, as I watched congregational surveys ignored, denominational resources on human sexuality go unread, and even the wildly hyperbolic straw-man arguments that if people married the same sex why wouldn’t they marry dogs and cats?

In the end, it wasn’t any issue that was divisive, rather it was a spirit among many leaders fixated on asserting uniformity by any means necessary. There was no conversation, there was no interest in broader scholarship or learning, there was no voice given to minorities (especially LGBTQ folks, who would be the most affected.) 

At one church meeting, a woman in her 90’s began to explain that she felt same-sex relationships were not a sin and that we need to love LGBTQ people because they are God’s children. She was promptly, and in front of everyone, told “be quiet!” No one defended her, no one protested, and her voice was quieted for the rest of the meeting.

Friends, “this issue” of human sexuality, is not inherently divisive. Like any issue that we may face, we are invited as God’s people to discern the Spirit’s work together. Rather than begin the conversation with an assumed uniformity that can be divided, let us begin by honoring the diversity of experiences and perspectives that do exist. We each have unique experiences, perspectives, and questions. It is in acknowledging our diversity, listening well to one another, and seeking to follow Jesus together where true unity is found. Not in uniformity that can be divided, but through honoring our diversity and seeking unity in Christ Jesus.

I don’t have all the answers, but just like a family dinner table, I refuse to believe that issues are inherently divisive. I refuse to believe that anyone does not belong at the table because of their viewpoint. I choose to believe that God delights in diversity, and that working toward unity is a slow, messy, and God-honoring task.

As we continue to follow Jesus in Eagan, MN, I invite you to get your heart into a posture of openness toward the experiences and opinions of others. Some questions to help might be these:

-What is it in me that is resistant to the opinion of this other person?

-How am I communicating my truth? Am I kind, open, humble? Or am I judgmental, close-minded, and arrogant?

-What happens in my soul if, in the end, my opinion is wrong?

God’s grace and peace be with you all! God continues to draw us together, out of many diverse experiences, into one in and through Christ Jesus.

Peace friends,

Pastor Brett

Embodying Peace — Prayer & Research

On April 1 I began a new pastorate with Peace Church in Eagan, MN. With every new season in a congregation, questions abound. “Who are these people?” “”What do they care about?” “What does it look like for us to follow Jesus together?”

At Peace Church there are a few different groups who lead the organization. There is the consistory, which functions as the board of directors. There is the staff, who supports the various ministries of the church. Then there are the many people who consider themselves a part of Peace Church; serving on teams, caring for one another, donating their resources, and investing themselves in a variety of ways.

As I began my pastorate, I wondered: how will these various leaders find a common direction, given our diverse perspectives, experiences, and roles?

One day I was wondering about this question with my friend Sam, who is the Executive Administrator at Peace Church. She suggested we could identify some people who embody Peace Church. Maybe we could find some direction by looking to those who most embody the values of the congregation?

What a great idea!

Sam’s suggestion put into motion a process of discerning the values of Peace Church. What happened was surprising, beautiful, and deeply humbling, and for that reason, I would like to share it.

On this past Tuesday evening, we gathered at our stated consistory meeting. It was an extra-large group of 20+ because the outgoing consistory members were present as well as the incoming consistory members. This was a helpful way to give the incoming consistory members a sense of how the consistory worked going forward. It was also something of a prescient moment, as we had so many past, present, and future leaders all in the same room at the same time.

Before the meeting began, Sam and I set up the tables and chairs so that everyone could sit around a large rectangle configuration. Everyone equal, looking toward one another. I also prepared the room with a marker board, large pieces of paper to stick on the walls, and markers. We would be writing on the board/papers and wanted to make it so everyone could see.

When the consistory meeting began, we started with prayer, a scripture reflection, and some brief other business; then we jumped into the exercise.

I began, “Friends, as the denomination, regional synod, and classis are in a state of considerable change, I sense it will be helpful for the consistory, the staff, and the volunteers of Peace Church to have a shared sense of values moving forward. Who are we? What do we care about? How should we invest our time, our energy, and our resources? What types of partnerships will be most beneficial as we follow Jesus together?”

What I proposed was the following invitation:

To identify some people who embody Peace Church — all that is good about Peace Church. What is it about them? What do they do? What are some words or short phrases that describe them?

Someone shouted out a name and I wrote it down on the marker board. “And what is it about them that embodies the best of Peace Church?” Others joined in, naming the virtues, character traits, and acts of service of this beloved individual. After a minute or two we had a list of six or so distinct words and phrases that describe that person. 

As we concluded our first reflection, I invited the consistory to the following litany:

Pastor: “For the gift of (name)…”

Consistory: “Thanks be to God!”

Then we went on, and another consistory member shouted out a name.

Thirteen people, couples, or families were identified as folks who embody the best of Peace Church. Some who were identified were in the room as consistory members, some who were identified had never served on consistory, and some who were identified were not even officially members of the congregation. Some of the consistory members had tears in their eyes as they heard others honor them by sharing about the ways that they embodied Peace Church. It was a beautiful and powerful experience.

Once we had identified these 13 people, I asked the consistory if they saw any themes. Time was given for reflection, and then the consistory was invited to share the themes that they saw. The themes were recorded.

At the end of the exercise, all the attributes were recorded and all the names erased for confidentiality purposes. We concluded our time in prayer, giving thanks for all the people who embody the best of Peace Church.

The next morning I compiled the list of virtues, descriptive words, and short phrases that describe the best of Peace Church and entered them into an AI language tool called ChatGPT. I asked it to “create five words that describe a group of people using the following words” and then included the list of descriptive words and phrases identified during our consistory meeting. 

Before I could scroll down, the AI model had proposed the following five words:

Empowered

Nurturing

Committed

Fearless

Inclusive

Wow. As I read those words, tears of my own began to form. That’s a church that I want to be a part of! 

This work is all still so fresh and many questions remain. Do these words describe the best of Peace Church well? If not, what changes would we make? How specifically do we live into these values? What ministry partners may be pursuing similar values?

Many questions remain, but this process feels like the beginning of something new. A time of praise and prayer, giving thanks for those who embody the best of Peace Church. That praise and prayer turned into qualitative research data. That qualitative research data, when entered into an AI language model, distilled into 5 simple yet powerful words. 

When I think of the words “research” and “church,” the combination of the two doesn’t usually sound exciting to me. But this exercise felt so deeply good. It wasn’t primarily about collecting research data, but instead it was about honoring the best within the Church. Elevating the good, naming and identifying the best of our life together. It felt like a beautiful combination of Romans 12:10 “outdo one another in showing honor,” a leadership approach called “appreciative inquiry,” and a qualitative research method called “the success case method.”

In her farewell newsletter, one of the Elders of Peace Church shared this process with the congregation. In her note, she wrote, “God is good and kind.” Yes, yes indeed. We celebrate God’s goodness and kindness among us and look forward with a continuing sense of wonder as we explore how we may embody Peace Church.

Grace and Peace,

Brett

God is in Control?

A church is discerning some major changes…

A regional church meeting is praying for God’s direction and guidance…

A son speaks a eulogy at the funeral for his father…

The words get launched into the world as a prayer, a declaration, an assertion: 

“God, you are totally in control.”

I’m a 90’s kid, who grew up with a video game controller nestled between my hands. Whatever my hands could do on the controller, the video game character would emulate. I say run, you run.  I say jump, you jump. I accidentally jump too late and you fall into a lava pit —well, I guess there is no-one to blame but myself because I was in control.

Is this what it means for God to be in control?

There is something comforting about the idea. If God is totally in control, then the childish part of my heart can sit back and relax. God’s got this, after all. I don’t have to be responsible, I don’t have to face consequences, and I can avoid the painful feelings of grief and sadness. If God is in control, then there was nothing I could have done or said to change the outcome anyway. Father God was going to have it his way or no way.

As I was writing this piece, a fellow pastor walked by me in the coffee shop. “How are you today?” I asked. “Oh, can’t complain. Nobody would listen to me if I did,” came his reply.

Is this what it means for God to be in control?

The death of Jesus on the cross is central to the Christian story. But what does it mean? One pastor prayed, “Jesus, you were totally in control on the cross.” 

Naked, abused, shamed, rejected, violated, tortured, murdered — yes.

In control — ?

Let me be abundantly clear: the cross was Rome’s way of asserting control. Crucifixion was the Roman way of dealing with insurrectionists. Anyone who attempted to question Roman control and lead a revolt would be publicly, violently, and shamefully killed at the gates of the city. Crucifixion didn’t happen “on a hill far away” from the gates of the city — the crucifixion happened at the gates of Jerusalem. Like a “Welcome to Our Town” sign, crucified bodies hung on crosses to greet anyone who would enter or exit the city. Not only was crucifixion the cruelest way to kill a victim, but it also sent a powerful message — Mamma’s, don’t let your sons grow up to be insurrectionists. Rome is in control. Caesar is in control. And don’t you forget it.

Why then, would we who are Christians, adopt this Roman worldview of power and control and apply it to the God revealed in Jesus Christ?

Consider this. It is comforting to think of God in control when an outcome is beyond your control — when you aren’t in control, at least someone is! It is comforting to think of God in control when death is quick and unexpected; the sudden heart attack or aneurism, when there is nothing we could do, at least God was in control.

Yet life is rarely so simple. Reader be warned, the next portion of this piece involves language depicting sexual violence, suicide, and a car accident.

Imagine with me that you are the pastor. What is God like to these saints in the following (very real) circumstances?

When a husband is beating his wife, “knocking her around a little bit,” into submission for sex. The wife feels she is obeying God’s will by submitting, but she is being used and abused, worried for her life and the wellbeing of her children. Is God in control? Is this abuse all a part of God’s plan?

When a father finds his daughter hanging in her closet one morning before school; bullied and teased for having a crush on another girl. He is a veteran from Afghanistan, but now has PTSD from finding his beloved daughter dead. Is God in control? Is this tragedy all a part of God’s plan?

A family travels on a long-awaited trip to Disney World. While driving through Florida, it began pouring rain. A semi-truck started to hydroplane, crossed the median, hit their minivan, and killed the father and two of the children. The mother and middle daughter survived, and after days in the hospital would return home with half their family dead. Is God in control? Is this tragedy all a part of God’s plan?

If your understanding of power and control are in alignment with the ways of the Roman Empire, then yes. If God is abusive, violent, and controlling, then our interpretation of tragedy is that God orchestrates these tragedies to teach a lesson, to get your attention, to put you in your place, or for some mysterious “his ways are higher than our ways.” In the end, it is all for your good — in spite of the horror and tragedy of life. But why would we use Roman notions of power and control to describe Jesus, the true “Prince of Peace?”

Friends, we need words that can describe God’s presence with us in the midst of horror and tragedy — words that point to the one who is “the good shepherd.”

One of the most profound images in scripture about the heart and character of God is found in Isaiah. 

Is. 46:4 even to your old age I am he,

even when you turn gray I will carry you.

I have made, and I will bear;

I will carry and will save.

And again,

Is. 53:11 Out of his anguish he shall see light;

he shall find satisfaction through his knowledge.

The righteous one, my servant, shall make many righteous,

and he shall bear their iniquities. 

In both instances, God is described as one who will bear His people. Isn’t that curious? This very feminine image of a pregnant woman, carrying a child in her womb, bearing — this is the image Isaiah uses to describe God (the Father) and the righteous one (Jesus)? Rather than the Roman Paterfamilias “rule of the fathers” through violence and control, the prophet describes God with imagery of the tenderness and care of a pregnant woman.

A pregnant woman is a miracle to behold. Inside her womb, a secret and unknown life is developing and being formed. The mother provides all the nutrients needed, she provides a safe environment in which to grow. She provides care, tenderness, and delight. She always carries this young life with her; she is near, connected, one with this life as day in and day out she carries and bears this hidden mystery of humanity.

Is that mother in control of the life growing within her? Is she in total control? The question is laughable because it is the wrong question. Control has nothing to do with it. She provides the environment, nourishment, the boundaries, connection, love, and union — until that day when the new life is born and seen fully, beheld, face to face. Make no mistake, she is sovereign over this young life, her choices and actions will directly affect the life growing in her womb but she is not in control.

Here is our God. To the woman abused by her husband, the father whose daughter died to suicide, the family cleaved in two in a terrible accident — we worship a God who bears all of humanity and the sin of the whole world. A God who has little interest in asserting control or dominance, but abides with us always. A God who provides a good world in which we can live and grow, providing boundaries to evil, a God who nourishes all of creation, a God who loves and delights in all his children, a God who is so united with us that he would even be found naked, shamed, mocked, violated, and tortured on a Roman cross. 

When human wickedness asserted their control through the cross, even there, God carried humanity near to his heart and bore their sin. 

The cross of Jesus shows us that there is no place of darkness and brokenness where we can be separated from the love of God in Christ Jesus our lord. It’s not about control, it’s about connection. God is inextricably connected to us, in love with us, and desires our thriving.

When we seek to explain tragedies through the language of “control,” we risk depicting God as an abusive and controlling authoritarian. But even more important, we miss the point, that God is with us always, in even the darkest and most horrific moments of our lives. Not as one pushing the buttons and pulling the strings, but as a loving father/mother, who bears the entire world in the womb of God.

I wonder if living in this reality is what Jesus was talking about all along, our need “to be born from above.”

What about you? 

How has language of control been comforting to you in the past? When has language of control been harmful?

How does it feel to imagine God carrying all of humanity like a pregnant mother? 

How has God been present to you in the darkest moments of your life?

Prayer: “O God who has made all things, you have revealed yourself fully through the person of Jesus Christ. Thank you for uniting yourself so fully with humanity that you would suffer even the horror and tragedy of life by dying on the cross. May I reject the violence and control of the empires of my day, and instead may I cling to your loving kindness and presence, trusting that you are with me always. Amen.”